Not a doctor.
Sex and relationship advice from a girl who knows nothing.
You want to know, I want to tell you.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
If your partner enjoys it, then you would get the satisfaction of knowing that you made him feel good. If nothing else, that’s a pretty good feeling. The rest of it is entirely what you make of it. Maybe you will find yourself enjoying the sexually dominant role. Maybe you won’t really enjoy it at all and after trying it you won’t wish to do it again. But at least you will have tried, knowing it’s something your partner wants. Think about some of your own fantasies and how you can try those things together as well as a circle of reciprocal pleasure!
Doc S.
I think I need some clarification on what the current situation actually is here. What should you do in regards to what exactly? Are you wondering if you should pursue her even though she has other suitors? Are you worried about her ex-boyfriend, who has a good relationship with her brother? Without knowing more, I’m not really sure what to say other than don’t worry about everyone else. Worry about you and her and your feelings toward each other. Everything else will work itself out in the end.
Doc S.
I’m just going to assume this car engine is a metaphor for your penis. In that case, I would recommend seeing your physician mechanic to have a look “under the hood.”
Doc S.
I don’t think the question is whether or not you will appear vain if you pursue him now, I think the question is why you WANT to pursue him now. Is it because you’ve always felt something for him, or thought he was a good person and has great qualities, but you weren’t physically attracted to him and now you are? Or is it because all of sudden he’s hot and he pays attention to you so you want him for that reason. This is a person who has obviously had feelings for you for a very long time. If you really think you’re ready to reciprocate those feelings and explore them honestly, then go for it. And don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. But I would ask yourself how you really feel, despite his appearance, if you can. Be mindful of his heart, and your own.
Doc S.
My advice for getting over it is to think about how much you enjoy it, and to want that for your partner. Personally, I’m a person who is turned on when my partner is turned on - so perhaps that’s one route to try.
Also, if you’re not able to do it because you think it’s dirty or you’re just scared of the taste and the smell and everything, try doing it the first time in the shower or after your partner has showered. There’s nothing wrong with being apprehensive and ass-play is something that should always be done with cleanliness and hygiene in mind anyway. This way you can start with a “clean” slate, so to speak.
Doc S.
I don’t recommend doing any creeping while she’s sleeping unless it has been discussed at some point prior to the action.
Doc S.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Anon.
Women hate condoms too.
That’s right.
Women. Hate. Condoms. Have you ever had a wet, smelly balloon shoved repeatedly like a piston into your most precious body cavity? I can assure you it is not the most pleasant of experiences for us either.
But, as you said, they are pretty much the only thing standing in between you and some intense STDs or unwanted pregnancies. I don’t feel bad just for men because I feel bad for all of us. Condoms aren’t sexy. But there really is no way around them if you want to practice truly safe sex. If science wasn’t so busy working on medications to make sure dicks stay hard, they might be able to work on an alternative form of birth control and STD prevention that wouldn’t make us all roll our eyes.
You are doing the right thing for the female, AND FOR YOURSELF, by using a condom. Don’t be so upset. After all, you’re having sex!
Doc S.
This is always a fascinating topic to me.
I think in any kind of “alternative” (at least by societal or conventional norms) relationship - the most important thing to sustain it and make it mutually beneficial is open and bluntly honest communication. If it’s a truly open marriage, is the goal for both to be experiencing sex outside the confines of the relationship? I don’t know. If it is, and if you’re the person who is having sex with another person, and your partner isn’t, does that introduce feelings of guilt for you and subsequently make it less fun? I would first establish the goal and rules of the open marriage. If you’ve already done that, I would want to discover why the other person isn’t having sex outside the open marriage, honestly, and go from there.
Doc S.
First of all let me just reiterate that I envy your glorious life on many levels.
To answer your questions, I would say “yes.” Your partner is not only a never ending veritable fire hose of baby batter, but your vagina is a cavernous vessel that should be lauded and extolled.
Mazel Tov.
Doc S.
From my research, I have discovered that the average amount of time before a man ejaculates is 7-8 minutes. There are several things you can do as a man to prolong that. Pregaming, like you suggest, is one of them. You can also squeeze the base, squeeze the tip, do some things with the taint (pushing it in is supposed to suppress orgasm) and I’m sure countless others.
I’m not sure how long anyone can sustain fucking. And by fucking I assume you mean actual intercourse and continuous penetration. I have read anywhere from minutes to over 2 hours for men.
Doc S.
The cruel and backwards side-effects of anti-depressants completely baffle me. I have tried several in years past and always with the same result - either no desire to have sex, or no way to achieve orgasm during it. It can be EXTREMELY frustrating. I would recommend telling your doctor that it’s affecting your relationship and looking for alternatives. I guess what I’m trying to say is, the Mets don’t have a shot in Hell.
Doc S.
This is always so tough! Do you want to pursue your feelings with him/her? Are you worried about the work repercussions of doing so? Are you worried about losing a friendship if he/she doesn’t reciprocate feelings? There are so many variables!
My personal opinion is that you will almost always regret the opportunities you didn’t take more than the ones you took even if you fail. If you have a relationship with this person at all, and can ease into a transition of having them see you in a different light, as not just a friend, you should do it if you feel the juice is worth the squeeze.
Of course I understand if your work environment or corporate culture is such that it wouldn’t be allowed or you’re worried about an inter-office romance, but weigh all the facets of this and decide what you think is best.
Don’t be afraid to go after something you want is what I say.
Doc S.
Firstly, you’re not weird at all. We can decide what we like or what things turn us on. Ultimately it’s already in us!
I am assuming you watch porn that supports all of these various fantasies, yes? Do you have your wife watch porn with you ever at all? Would she? Does she like specific types of porn on her own? Is it a topic you feel comfortable exploring with her?
I have had my eyes opened to many things I may have otherwise not given a chance because I saw it in porn and was intrigued by it. I know many women who have become more adventurous after having seen things or watched porn with their partners. I recommend giving it a try. Watch it together and see and feel what she responds to and then talk about it. Ask her what she likes, tell her what you like. Make it fun and it will not be routine anymore.
Doc S.
Have you discussed your own anal curiosities and fantasies with her at all? Anal sex isn’t for everyone so I understand that she doesn’t want to try it or entertain the idea right away. An anal vibrator might be a nice way to show her what kind of pleasure can be derived from that kind of stimulation, and also for her to understand that it’s something you want as well. I’m a big believer talking about everything first - I think it prevents awkward moments and misunderstandings during the action when it’s approached this way. I think if you both share an honest relationship and line of communication with each other, she will be more than open to hearing about your fantasies. Whether you buy the vibrator with or without her knowledge is up to you entirely, but I am a firm believer in the notion that great conversation about sex leads to great sex.
Doc S.
Brilliant idea and no I haven’t seen it at all! I will check it out and then totally rip it off. Thanks for the idea!
Doc S.